{"id":132,"date":"2011-03-21T01:51:49","date_gmt":"2011-03-21T01:51:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/janinajacobs.com\/?p=132"},"modified":"2011-03-21T01:51:49","modified_gmt":"2011-03-21T01:51:49","slug":"spring-cleaning-mummified-bananas-and-other-unidentifiables","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/golf\/equipment\/132\/spring-cleaning-mummified-bananas-and-other-unidentifiables","title":{"rendered":"Spring Cleaning: Mummified Bananas and Other Unidentifiables"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

Does your bag look like this?<\/p><\/div>\n

The Dungeons of Darkness popping up near Halloween as we closed out the\u00a0golf season last October in Michigan have nothing on what golfers face when we don\u2019t properly close up shop for the winter:\u00a0 golf bags full of unmentionable things that go \u2018moosh\u2019 in the spring.<\/p>\n

Both January\u00a0and February appeared and have long since\u00a0vanished as\u00a0invitations rolled\u00a0in for sun-filled trips to Roatan, the Mexican Riviera, and\u00a0Florida.\u00a0 But those of us who are enlightened to the tricks of traveling light don’t bother to drag our extra baggage-fee laden\u00a0clubs and instead ‘borrow’ loaners from the resorts.\u00a0\u00a0 And so, another couple of months\u00a0go by as my golf bag sits in the garage, untouched.\u00a0 Neglected.<\/p>\n

It is almost April now,\u00a0and as shards of sunlight melt the last of the stubborn snows of Michigan, I can’t really put it off too much longer.\u00a0\u00a0 Time to check out the old golf bag.<\/p>\n

In mine, I found an old banana.\u00a0 Mummified.<\/p>\n

Now come on, you can admit you’ve done the same thing.<\/p>\n

Usually I do a much better job of culling, cleaning, sorting, and buffing clubs, shoes, balls, bags, and sundries at season\u2019s end.\u00a0\u00a0 But\u00a0more and more I rebel, thinking that it can’t possibly be the end of yet another glorious\u00a0golf season.\u00a0 So I stashed\u00a0the clubs in my garage, unchecked.\u00a0 I procrastinated and\u00a0believed Indian Summer was right around the corner.\u00a0 Waiting.\u00a0 In December.\u00a0 And there the clubs sat, orphaned, much like a naughty child banished to Time Out.<\/p>\n

What is your spring \u2018dust off the cobwebs\u2019 routine?\u00a0\u00a0Warmer weather is\u00a0here, even in the cold north,\u00a0so don’t waste those first intoxicating warm days of the year mulling over last year’s leftovers.<\/p>\n

Get rid of all the junk.\u00a0 Not just in your golf bag but also in your closet or golf storage areas.<\/p>\n

Clothes:\u00a0 Everyone has outdated shirts with stubborn sweat stains highlighting memorable occasions like the 1979 Tex Austin Open.\u00a0 T-shirts and mocks shrink, lose their shape and mostly lose their color through sun fading.\u00a0 Maybe they don\u2019t fit.\u00a0\u00a0 Pants with frayed bottoms from rubbing on your golf shoes or worse, the mud and grass\u2026\u2026toss \u2018em all, especially if your belly is stretching the shirts or\u00a0hanging over the band.\u00a0 Belts with worn ridges and ragged holes that squeeze the life out of you?\u00a0 Gone.\u00a0\u00a0 Socks with threadbare heels or holes in the toe (even if it is only one)?\u00a0 Bye-bye.<\/p>\n

Hats:\u00a0\u00a0 Who wants to don a sweat-streaked discolored hat or visor?\u00a0 Obviously a lot of folks.\u00a0 But if these toques are faded, misshapen, and cannot be cleansed through the dishwasher trick, toss \u2018em.\u00a0 Trust me, you\u2019ll acquire more.\u00a0 I probably have at least 50 caps I could dispose of today.\u00a0 But don\u2019t ask me to relinquish my Superman logo hat or my Pirate-styled\u00a0\u2018Golf Hard\u2019 with the skull and crossbones.\u00a0 No can do.<\/p>\n

Shoes:\u00a0\u00a0 Even the best of these have maybe 3 or 4 years of\u00a0life if<\/em> 1) you don\u2019t wear them too many days in a row;\u00a02) you use shoetrees; 3) they are of\u00a0high quality; 4) you wear them on fair-weather days; 5) you clean them regularly.\u00a0 Other than that, figure two good years at best.\u00a0 Take all of the old, smelly, dingy, swampy shoes littering your golf storage space and toss \u2018em.\u00a0 Otherwise, plan on the mice using them for breeding and uh……..other endeavors at some point.\u00a0 I am not making this up.<\/p>\n

Towels:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Loosen that malodorous, discolored, shredded golf towel with the now unrecognizable logo hooked to your bag and give it the heave-ho.\u00a0\u00a0Has anyone you know ever run out of golf towels?\u00a0 I have 89 of them stacked in closets; but my fave does get washed regularly:\u00a0 a Detroit Fireman\u2019s Fund white towel with a tiny Dalmatian appliqu\u00e9 at the bottom.\u00a0\u00a0 Thanks, Dad.\u00a0 Some things are <\/em>simply too precious to toss.<\/p>\n

Tees:\u00a0\u00a0 Why do I feel the need to keep every tee I\u2019ve ever owned?\u00a0 Probably because I was forced to purchase them in the olden days at 25 cents a pack.\u00a0 Old habits die hard but at least I ditch the broken ones and you should too\u2026\u2026.except on par-3\u2019s.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I still pick up tees lying on the tee box and add them to already bulging pocketfuls of even more tees.\u00a0 I think I have tees dating back to my college days.\u00a0 I’ll\u00a0give you one, or ten,\u00a0if you ask. Donate them to junior programs.\u00a0 Better still, get the bio-degradable ones.<\/p>\n

Ball Markers:\u00a0 OK, I know you have a lucky one.\u00a0 So why do you keep grabbing handfuls from any club providing them? \u00a0The oversized fluorescent ones I can understand but the generic white-bread plain janes have got to go.\u00a0 Toss \u2018em.\u00a0 If you are without, use a coin.\u00a0 Don’t toss that.<\/p>\n

Gloves:\u00a0\u00a0 If any of your gloves look like petrified road kill, toss \u2018em.\u00a0 No, they will not<\/em> soften up with sweat.\u00a0 Yes, I do notice the hole in the thumb pad.\u00a0 Old gloves are not beneficial anyway because they won\u2019t grip the club for you.\u00a0 Begone!<\/p>\n

Old Score Cards:\u00a0\u00a0 Of course you meant to log your stats and file the card in your master Courses Played file.\u00a0 However, if you haven\u2019t done it yet, you won\u2019t.\u00a0 Look them over and unless there is something monumental \u2013 like an ace or double eagle \u2013 or, if it was signed by your playing partner Arnie or Annika, toss \u2018em.<\/p>\n

Golf Clubs:\u00a0\u00a0 If your garage is beginning to look like the Second Swing store, it is time to donate those extra clubs to a local junior golf program.\u00a0 Odds are you will use your newest clubs and maybe a stick or two from a previous set.\u00a0 Other than keeping a full set around for travel while one stays at the club or in your trunk, you don\u2019t need dozens of them cluttering up your golf space.\u00a0 The new technologies are so much fun that you wouldn\u2019t want to keep the old Methuselahs around anyway……unless they are really <\/em>old……and valuable.<\/p>\n

Balls:\u00a0\u00a0 Remember that golf balls begin to lose a bit of their \u2018stuff\u2019 after a couple of years.\u00a0 Beyond that, keep some for shag practice or for risky shots over water.\u00a0 If you have satchels full of golf balls as I do, give \u2018em away.\u00a0 The junior programs can use the gift because the kids will love them no matter what.\u00a0 You can always pack a few extra to toss into the woods to thrill the ball-hawks.<\/p>\n

Sundries:\u00a0 If you keep band-aids, aspirin, sunscreen, and emergency food in your bag, you may want to replace it all.\u00a0 The band-aids lose adhesiveness from the humidity, sunscreen loses effectiveness after a year, and aspirin turns to powder.\u00a0 Year-old pretzels, chewing gum, and granola bars taste OK but only if you are famished or starving.<\/p>\n

Money:\u00a0\u00a0 Digging through my previous year\u2019s bag I always find mad money.\u00a0 Contrary to what the current economy dictates, this money is still good.\u00a0 You do not have to toss it.\u00a0\u00a0 But you really should have spent it last year when it was worth more.<\/p>\n

One of the biggest belly laughs I ever had\u00a0was when my college boyfriend Wayne, the assistant golf coach,\u00a0decided to take my golf bag home one day and super-clean it for me.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 An engineering student, \u00a0he was extremely organized and very precise – in a scientific\u00a0sort of way.\u00a0 The next day he brought back my bag – unrecognizable now – along with a list of everything <\/em>that was in the bag, numbered from one to about 75……including some unmentionables every young woman would carry….and listing them as Unused. \u00a0 Oops. \u00a0 That was over 35 years ago and to this day, I smile when reaching into my bag\u00a0and end up pulling out some item from the paleolithic era.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Dungeons of Darkness popping up near Halloween as we closed out the\u00a0golf season last October in Michigan have nothing… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":31,"featured_media":801,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,3],"tags":[6071,887],"class_list":["post-132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-golf","category-equipment","tag-spring-cleaning","tag-golf-bags"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/24\/2011\/03\/Janina-old-clubs.jpg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/31"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=132"}],"version-history":[{"count":17,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":805,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132\/revisions\/805"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/801"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/janinajacobs\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}