{"id":1797,"date":"2010-12-27T15:26:34","date_gmt":"2010-12-27T22:26:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/robertfagan.com\/?p=1797"},"modified":"2011-08-16T12:34:03","modified_gmt":"2011-08-16T19:34:03","slug":"how-to-find-that-almost-perfect-mate","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/coaching\/life-coaching\/1797\/how-to-find-that-almost-perfect-mate","title":{"rendered":"How to Find that (Almost) Perfect Mate"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>As a Coach I will pursue wherever the journeys my clients may take me.\u00a0 I\u2019ve interviewed well over 1,500 men and women who happen to be single and many who are also hoping to meet that \u201cright person.\u201d\u00a0 Are you one?<\/p>\n

There is no \u201csilver bullet\u201d to attracting the person of your dreams, but rather it is the overall energy you are putting forth and what you are focusing upon that dictates your progress.<\/p>\n

In order to meet or keep that special person, you first should endeavor to become the best person you can be yourself.\u00a0 In essence, be the person you want to attract. Do you really think that the 28% version of your best self is going to attract and retain the 100% person you want to discover?\u00a0 Of course not!<\/p>\n

Too often, both men and women lose sight of who they really are or have become.\u00a0 We become outwardly focused looking for someone to \u201ccomplete us.\u201d\u00a0 Rather we might do better by trying to \u201ccomplete ourselves\u201d or at least improving ourselves first before aggressively searching for a partner.\u00a0 When we fail to do so, we will often reap disappointment and then try other tactics, which only result in frustration.\u00a0 Thus it helps to look inwardly at yourself before you cast a critical eye outward.<\/p>\n

I will share my thoughts about two relationship issues:<\/p>\n

\u00d8\u00a0 What criteria should you consider when you conduct your self-inventory?<\/p>\n

\u00d8\u00a0 Are you looking to attract the \u201cright type\u201d of person?<\/p>\n

There are the four areas to start with in your self-inventory:\u00a0 your spirituality, physicality, intellectuality, and financial status.\u00a0 If you want to attract fabulous, you, too, had better be fabulous in these areas.<\/p>\n

Spiritual:<\/strong> Are you forgiving, fun, enjoy and love yourself, tolerant, and kind?\u00a0 How about being patient, present, loving, and able to communicate your feelings?\u00a0 Conversely, are you the opposite of these?\u00a0 You might rate positively in several areas and not in a couple. Your self-assessment does not dictate you as good or bad, but rather it is only dictating what kind of energy you are putting forth and will attract back.\u00a0 Are you emotionally happy and loving of yourself, or do you hold bad memories? Are you fearful or a joyful spirit?\u00a0 Do you hold grudges?\u00a0 Are you quick to anger?\u00a0 Is you a glass \u201chalf full\u201d or \u201chalf empty\u201d person?\u00a0 Are you loyal, calm, and fun to be around? Do others feel you have a sense of humor?\u00a0 Do you keep your commitments?\u00a0 Do you set reasonable boundaries for what works for you and what doesn\u2019t in relationships?\u00a0 Is your self very important to you or do you put other\u2019s needs equal to or greater than your own.\u00a0 Are you impatient, guilty, or ashamed?<\/p>\n

Obviously some of these areas hold negative connotations, but release those judgments and simply assess yourself.\u00a0 This is more an area for self-exploration than anything else.\u00a0 Once done, you can do nothing or you have the option of working on any area or even consulting a coach or therapist to help you, but forgive yourself in advance.\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t loving yourself in a sincere, not narcissistic way be a nice way for someone to love you as well? If so, extend yourself the favor first<\/p>\n

Intellectual:<\/strong> Courage is not the absence of fear, rather the triumph over it. When we cocoon ourselves in a cloak of safety, we block ourselves from the world\u2019s marvels creating a very \u201csmall world.\u201d Could you envision yourself having the courage to triumph over fear?\u00a0 This is not a reflection of your formal education or lack thereof, but more about your curiosity.\u00a0 Are you curious?\u00a0 Do you aspire to grow?\u00a0 Are you willing to research, take reasonable risks, and make rational decisions?\u00a0 Are you able to adequately take care not only for yourself, but also those around you?\u00a0 Are you a good listener, a reader, and someone who attempts new experiences, skills, and associations?\u00a0 Are you both interested and interesting?\u00a0 Are you optimistic about the future or do you always lift an umbrella of fear?\u00a0 How competent are you and in what areas?\u00a0 Perhaps you might seek the feedback of a friend or associate on these matters as well.<\/p>\n

Physical:<\/strong> This refers to your appearance, exercise, and diet and reflects in your health, appearance, and energy level.<\/p>\n

If you seek a physically fit partner and are you one yourself?\u00a0 If you want \u201chealthy,\u201d are you yourself healthy?\u00a0 If you want \u201cattractive,\u201d do you do what you can to present yourself in the best light? \u00a0Do you exude confidence and feel fabulous?<\/p>\n

How often per week do you break a sweat exercising?\u00a0 How far do you walk or climb stairs each day?\u00a0 Can you do at least ten push-ups or how about a single pull-up?\u00a0 Do you stretch?\u00a0 Is your waistline small, medium or an embarrassment to you?\u00a0 Or do you even care?<\/p>\n

As far as appearance is concerned, are you neatly groomed and wear clothing that accentuates your assets?\u00a0 Are you relatively up-to-date on fashion or are you \u201cover the top\u201d on it or do you reject the fashion norms?\u00a0 Is your hygiene first-rate (teeth, hair, hands and nails, private parts, etc.) and do you use sun-blocking products and avoid long periods of sun exposure.\u00a0 Do you have a regular skin care regimen?\u00a0 Is your appearance tied to perfection, the opposite or somewhere in between?<\/p>\n

How about your diet?\u00a0 Do you consume many processed foods, soft drinks, alcohol, and other sugary food and if so, in moderation or not?\u00a0 Do you smoke? Do you consume plenty of water and avoid fatty foods.\u00a0 What is the frequency of your eating and your portion size?\u00a0 Do you favor a heavy meat diet or are you a Vegan?\u00a0 Do you eat plenty of leafy vegetables?\u00a0 In short, would you describe your diet as healthy and enabling, or disabling?<\/p>\n

Financial Status:<\/strong> At the very basic level, this refers to our ability to provide.\u00a0 Women have traditionally looked toward men to bear this burden, but financial status can work the other way as well.\u00a0 Few financially successful men who are also emotionally healthy want to take on a woman who has exercised either no judgment or poor decision-making.\u00a0 (There can always be extenuating circumstances for everyone in this area.)\u00a0 Too much of a disparity between two partners can cause its own problems.\u00a0 That said, you want to always have your own financial house in order.<\/p>\n

Do you have a viable source of income or enough savings to adequately provide for yourself?\u00a0 If you don\u2019t, if you also are encumbered in various forms of debt, that can be a problem.\u00a0 Do you have a will (if you don\u2019t, immediately get one)?\u00a0 Do you have a financial plan and trusted worthy advisors who can supplement your knowledge?\u00a0 If your answer is \u201cno\u201d to any of these financial questions, you should take action to improve your standing.\u00a0 Do you like to spend or save or are you somewhere in between?\u00a0 When people have many choices and options nowadays in whom they attract, can you see why someone with financial difficulties would be unattractive?<\/p>\n

Type of Person You are Seeking?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Next you may be seeking the wrong type of partner and are destined to a frustrating merry-go-round of disappointing relationships.\u00a0 Here is a checklist \u201cP-L-E-A-S-U-R-E\u201d I first learned of from a professional matchmaker, Melinda Maximova of San Francisco.\u00a0 It was focused upon the qualities women might best seek in a man, but most of them also apply to men seeking women too.\u00a0 This is Melinda\u2019s list with a few minor modifications:<\/p>\n

P<\/strong>rovider \u2013 While the man has traditionally in American culture been seen as the provider, so too it is important that the woman be somewhat self-sufficient and not overly needy.\u00a0 Do you really want to assume the stress of another\u2019s financial baggage?<\/p>\n

L<\/strong>oyal \u2013 For a lasting relationship, don\u2019t we all want loyalty?<\/p>\n

E<\/strong>mpathetic – Does your potential partner care about others or are they self-absorbed.\u00a0 How they treat others will sooner or later be the way they treat you.\u00a0 Someone who is quite self-absorbed may not have the energy, time, or attention to contribute much to a healthy relationship.\u00a0 Compassion and empathy are prerequisites to a loving relationship.<\/p>\n

A<\/strong>spiring \u2013 A growing, learning, curious, interested, ambitious person is so much more vital and attractive than one who is static and content to just be blown around by the winds of life.<\/p>\n

S<\/strong>elf-less \u2013 Most of us, if we are truly to commit to a relationship, want someone who is more on the self-less as opposed to the selfish side.\u00a0 All relationships require an element of compromise and the selfish struggle with compromise.<\/p>\n

U<\/strong>seful \u2013 Is your partner useful or not?\u00a0 Are they helpless or do they have the wherewithal to find help when they don\u2019t have the answers?<\/p>\n

R<\/strong>ational \u2013 Is the person rational or a temperamental hothead?\u00a0 Healthy relationships require maturity, thoughtfulness, and communications.\u00a0 If your target lacks these, your chances for happily living together are virtually nil.<\/p>\n

E<\/strong>ndearing – Is your partner endearing to you and to others as opposed to being hurtful and unkind?\u00a0 Are they bitter or angry?\u00a0 Sometimes the \u201cFriends & Family Test\u201d is a good barometer to check on this, as when we are infatuated, we when are not on very solid ground to exercise good judgment.<\/p>\n

Warning to women:<\/span><\/em> Maximova signals these warning signals to women.\u00a0 It\u2019s been my experience that as women mature, they are more interested in the above \u201cP-L-E-A-S-U-R-E\u201d elements, but early on they often go for \u201cM-I-S-H-A-P\u201d<\/strong> – M<\/strong>ysterious, I<\/strong>nteresting, S<\/strong>exy, H<\/strong>andsome, A<\/strong>ffluent, and P<\/strong>assionate.\u00a0 I would add S<\/strong>elf-Absorbed. And men, the same pretty much applies to us.\u00a0 Granted these qualities can be pretty alluring, but they don\u2019t make for a good long-term choice without the \u201cP-L-E-A-S-U-R-E\u201d formula first given its full due.<\/p>\n

As you progress through your own process of refining and becoming your best self, you will send out the very attractive energies of confidence and self-worth, which are very sexy.\u00a0 Trust this process and detach from the timing<\/em> and outcome<\/em> of the results.\u00a0 This is not a straight-line process.\u00a0 What\u2019s more, you may also discover that losing yourself in the process may be one of the most delicious benefits culminating in connecting with that wonderful partner.<\/p>\n

The Law of Attraction dictates that when you focus upon what you want, rather than what you don\u2019t want, those things will eventually manifest for you.\u00a0 That said, you must ask for what you want, believe and feel you are already in possession of it, take inspired action, and be in alignment to receive.\u00a0 Being in alignment means that you should be the person you want to attract, and so why not be the best person \u2013 your best self!<\/p>\n

\"Author<\/a><\/p>\n

Bob Fagan is a “Performance Coach” who works world-wide and can be reached at rsf4653@aol.com.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As a Coach I will pursue wherever the journeys my clients may take me.\u00a0 I\u2019ve interviewed well over 1,500 men… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":1802,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2109],"tags":[4571,4572,2380,3584,4538,4567,4568,4569,4570],"class_list":["post-1797","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life-coaching","tag-financial","tag-mental-mate","tag-law-of-attraction","tag-energy","tag-spiritual","tag-relationships","tag-men","tag-women","tag-physical"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/33\/2010\/12\/P9040575.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1797","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/41"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1797"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1797\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5189,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1797\/revisions\/5189"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1802"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1797"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1797"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1797"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}