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\u00a0(Photo courtesy of Dennis Brendel )<\/em><\/p>\n Ever felt like your conversations are stuck on repeat? You know the drill\u2014\u201cHow\u2019s work?\u201d \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d \u201cSeen any good movies lately?\u201d Yawn. These questions are so predictable they might as well come with an eye-roll emoji. And while they serve a purpose, they\u2019re not exactly the kind of questions that make someone\u2019s eyes light up or spark a memorable conversation. But here\u2019s the good news: a small tweak in your approach can turn a boring chat into a meaningful exchange.<\/p>\n If you really want to know what makes someone tick, asking direct questions like, \u201cWhat are your strengths?\u201d or \u201cWhat do you value most?\u201d won\u2019t get you very far. Why? Because they make people freeze up or, worse, give canned, over-thought responses. Instead, try catching someone off-guard with a more playful, indirect approach. These types of questions slip under the radar and get people to open up without feeling like they\u2019re being interviewed. The magic of indirect questions is that they let you learn a great deal about someone\u2019s interests, values, and worldviews\u2014without ever mentioning these terms.<\/p>\n Imagine asking, \u201cWhat\u2019s something you\u2019re terrible at, but love doing anyway?\u201d This question might get a person talking about their passion for karaoke, despite the fact that they sound like a yowling cat after three espressos. Without saying it explicitly, you learn they\u2019re someone who values fun and doesn\u2019t take themselves too seriously. Or try, \u201cIf you had a whole day to yourself with no plans, what would you do?\u201d Instead of asking about goals and priorities, you\u2019re indirectly learning what they find relaxing, exciting, or fulfilling.<\/p>\n Even mundane topics can yield surprising answers. Think about the question, \u201cWhat food can you not stand?\u201d You\u2019re not just learning about taste preferences; you might uncover a quirky childhood story or a surprising cultural background. That\u2019s the beauty of these indirect questions\u2014they open the door to personal stories that go beyond surface-level facts.<\/p>\n The strategy here is to ask questions that disarm, surprise, or make someone laugh. When someone has to pause and think for a second, you\u2019re already halfway to a better conversation. It\u2019s like taking the scenic route instead of barreling down the freeway. You\u2019ll uncover more nuances, side paths, and unexpected destinations. Here are a few other clever prompts you can use:<\/p>\n See how these questions don\u2019t feel like the typical, box-checking inquiries? Yet, they invite revealing and meaningful responses without being too on-the-nose.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a psychology behind this, too. People tend to reveal more about themselves when they feel like they\u2019re not being put on the spot. Indirect questions lower the defenses because they\u2019re framed in a more casual, non-threatening way. They don\u2019t feel like they\u2019re under the microscope, so they\u2019re more likely to give answers that reflect who they really<\/em> are, instead of who they think<\/em> they should be.<\/p>\n It\u2019s also about flipping the usual dynamic. Most people are used to being asked what they do<\/em>, not how they think<\/em>. And when they\u2019re given the space to think aloud about something unexpected, it often brings a spark of joy or a genuine smile. And that\u2019s the golden ticket to better conversations\u2014when you can make someone feel seen and heard, without ever explicitly stating, \u201cHey, tell me your deepest thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n So, next time you\u2019re in a conversation rut or want to skip the small talk, give indirect questions a shot. Who knows? You might find out more about a person in five minutes than you would have in five weeks of \u201cWhat do you do?\u201d conversations.<\/p>\n Because, really, the art of great conversation isn\u2019t about asking perfect questions\u2014it\u2019s about asking the right<\/em> ones. And those are often the ones nobody sees coming.<\/p>\n Bob Fagan has just published\u00a0“The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.”\u00a0It is available on Amazon.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\n