{"id":18658,"date":"2024-12-12T10:01:34","date_gmt":"2024-12-12T17:01:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/?p=18658"},"modified":"2024-12-13T18:08:56","modified_gmt":"2024-12-14T01:08:56","slug":"what-if-everything-you-want-wasnt-what-you-actually-wanted","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/golf\/lifestyle\/18658\/what-if-everything-you-want-wasnt-what-you-actually-wanted","title":{"rendered":"What If Everything You Want Wasn\u2019t What You Actually Wanted?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\"sumup-Ht2pyl1XvS8-unsplash\"(Photo courtesy of sumup\/unsplash.com)<\/em><\/h3>\n

Let me repeat this title question. “What if everything you ever wanted wasn’t what you actually wanted?” Let’s expand that, “What if everything you ever<\/em> wanted wasn’t what you actually wanted? This is a biggie. If you can fully answer that question in less than thirty minutes, I would assess that you’re glossing over it and probably don’t grasp its full meaning. Sorry. Not only can this be a transformational question that I’ve used on numerous clients, but it has resulted in some major positive shifts in my life as well. Don’t even try to answer this one in a day or two, but rather allow it to marinate. It’s a question I will continue to ask myself. Look at all your relationships and interactions over the next days, weeks, and even months. Let me explain.<\/p>\n

We all have dreams we chase. We get pulled or sucked into some. The perfect career, a dream house, certain accomplishments, the ideal relationship\u2014these are the goals society teaches us to strive for. But what if, after all the effort, achievement, and accolades, you discovered that what you wanted wasn\u2019t what you truly needed? What if the ladder you\u2019ve been climbing was leaning against the wrong wall? Yes, this question, uncomfortable as it may seem, is one worth sitting with. Because sometimes, the things we think we want are just reflections of what we\u2019ve been told to want.<\/p>\n

In our consumer-driven, achievement-obsessed culture, it\u2019s easy to equate success with happiness. Bigger paychecks, more likes on social media, a bigger house\u2014all of these become symbols of a life well-lived. But as motivational speaker Tony Robbins points out, \u201cSuccess without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.\u201d We can reach our goals only to find they don\u2019t fill the void we expected them to. Consider how many people follow a traditional path: graduate, get a good job, buy a home, start a family. These are wonderful milestones, but are they truly what everyone wants\u2014or are they just what we\u2019ve been conditioned to pursue? The result is often an unspoken dissatisfaction, a feeling of, \u201cIs this it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jim Carrey famously said, \u201cI wish everyone could get rich and famous and have everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it\u2019s not the answer.\u201d His words highlight a profound truth: external accomplishments rarely provide the lasting happiness we crave. Consider the case of many of my clients, people who have “made it” in the traditional sense. They report a strange sense of emptiness after achieving their goals. Olympic athletes, for example, often experience what\u2019s called \u201cpost-Olympic depression.\u201d After years of training and finally reaching the pinnacle of success, they find themselves asking, \u201cWhat now?\u201d<\/p>\n

Part of the issue is that many of our goals are externally driven. We want the promotion because it looks good. We want the car because it impresses others. We want the lifestyle because it fits an Instagram-worthy ideal. We want the accomplishment because it may have proved something. But psychologist Carl Rogers argued that true fulfillment comes from congruence\u2014living a life aligned with your authentic self. When your actions and choices reflect who you truly are, rather than who you think you should be, that\u2019s when real happiness emerges. So, ask yourself: Are you chasing goals that align with your values, or are you chasing what you think you should value?<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve ever achieved something only to find it wasn\u2019t as fulfilling as you hoped, it might be time to reevaluate. Here\u2019s how to begin: Pause and reflect. In the rush of life, we rarely take time to ask ourselves if we\u2019re on the right path. Set aside quiet moments to journal, meditate, or simply think. What brings you joy? What makes you lose track of time? The answers might surprise you. Revisit your why. Author Simon Sinek says, \u201cStart with why.\u201d Ask yourself why you\u2019re pursuing your current goals. If the answer doesn\u2019t excite you or feels hollow, it might be time to pivot. Define success on your terms. Success is subjective. For some, it\u2019s financial stability; for others, it\u2019s creative freedom or close relationships. Clarify what success looks like for you, not for anyone else. Experiment and explore. Sometimes, we don\u2019t know what we want until we try different paths. Give yourself permission to experiment. Take a class, switch careers, or travel somewhere new. Exploration often leads to unexpected clarity. This can take time, so don’t rush it.<\/p>\n

Realizing that what you thought you wanted isn\u2019t actually what you need can feel disorienting, but it\u2019s also liberating. It gives you permission to let go of societal expectations and live life on your own terms. Author Joseph Campbell put it best: \u201cWe must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.\u201d Letting go doesn\u2019t mean giving up\u2014it means making space. Space for the things that truly matter, the things that light you up, the things you never realized you needed. It\u2019s not about doing more; it\u2019s about aligning your actions with your heart.<\/p>\n

What if everything you\u2019ve ever wanted wasn\u2019t what you actually wanted? It\u2019s a question that has the power to shake up your life\u2014but in the best way. It has no downside. By examining your goals, questioning your motivations, and listening to your authentic self, you can start to build a life that feels genuinely fulfilling. It\u2019s never too late to pivot. The ladder you\u2019re climbing can always be moved to a different wall. And when you do, you may find that the view from the top is better than you ever imagined.<\/p>\n

Bob Fagan has just published\u00a0“The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.”\u00a0It is available on Amazon. All proceeds through 2025 will be donated to charity.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00a0(Photo courtesy of sumup\/unsplash.com) Let me repeat this title question. “What if everything you ever wanted wasn’t what you actually… Read more »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":18660,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2107,2109,18],"tags":[153101,489233,1044220,1046119,1046120,1046121,1046122,2445,4315],"class_list":["post-18658","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","category-life-coaching","category-lifestyle","tag-life","tag-joseph-campbell","tag-tony-robbins","tag-wants","tag-jim-carrey","tag-carl-rogers","tag-simon-sinek","tag-life-lessons","tag-dreams"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/33\/2024\/12\/sumup-Ht2pyl1XvS8-unsplash.jpeg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18658","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/41"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18658"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18658\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":18678,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18658\/revisions\/18678"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18660"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/theaposition.com\/robertfagan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}