In my coaching practice, many of my clients would look to the outside world as being very successful. Relatively few felt that way. Money, prestige, spending, and the like only go so far. If you understand me, you also understand that finances don’t equate to success. Yes, they are one part, but there are many others. Where do you feel you rate on all of them?
In a world where your worth often feels defined by the size of your bank account, it’s easy to believe the ultimate battle is about money. Promotions, paychecks, profits—these can feel like trophies in the grand game of life. But what if winning these battles comes at the expense of the bigger picture? The real war isn’t about money—it’s about happiness, fulfillment, loving relationships, purpose, growth, and health. Who would want success if it only equated to money?
If all your energy is focused on financial success, you may find yourself winning those skirmishes but losing the ultimate war. To truly win, you need to rethink your scoreboard—a fresh way to measure your life and define success on your own terms. Here’s how.
The Illusion of the Money Scoreboard
Money is a tricky player in life’s game. It’s essential, of course—no one’s denying that. Having enough to meet your basic needs can reduce stress and improve well-being, as studies from Dr. Daniel Kahneman and Dr. Angus Deaton famously show. They discovered that happiness rises with income up to about $75,000 a year (adjusted for inflation). After that? The returns start to diminish.
The problem arises when money becomes the scoreboard, the sole measure of success. Psychologist Tim Kasser, in his book The High Price of Materialism, warns that chasing material wealth at the expense of other values leads to lower well-being, weaker relationships, and even poorer physical health. Translation? If your only goal is financial gain, you’re playing a losing game.
Why the Real War Is About More Than Money
Winning the war of life requires a broader perspective. Let’s break down what truly matters:
- Happiness
Studies by positive psychology pioneer Dr. Martin Seligman show that happiness isn’t about having more but about living a life rich in positive emotions, engagement, and meaning. Money can only take you so far—it’s the intangibles, like gratitude and connection, that create lasting joy. - Fulfillment
Purpose fuels fulfillment. According to Simon Sinek, author of Start With Why, knowing your “why” gives you a sense of direction and satisfaction no amount of money can replace. Fulfillment comes from aligning your actions with your values. - Loving Relationships
In the longest-running study on happiness, Harvard researchers found that strong relationships—not wealth—are the biggest predictor of a happy, healthy life. The takeaway? Nurturing your connections with family and friends is far more valuable than any financial windfall. - Purpose and Growth
Human beings are wired for growth. Dr. Carol Dweck’s work on the growth mindset emphasizes that success comes from continuous learning and improvement. Purpose and progress—not a padded bank account—are the keys to a meaningful life. - Health
No amount of money can buy your health back once it’s gone. Dr. Dean Ornish, a leader in lifestyle medicine, highlights that diet, exercise, and stress reduction contribute more to longevity than wealth ever could. Prioritize your health, and the rest will follow.
A New Scoreboard for Life
If money isn’t the ultimate measure of success, what is? It’s time to redefine your scoreboard. Instead of tracking only dollars and cents, consider these metrics:
- Joy Meter
How often do you experience moments of pure joy? This might be laughing with friends, walking in nature, dancing with a partner, or indulging in a hobby. Start noticing and celebrating these moments—they’re the real currency of happiness. - Connection Score
How strong are your relationships? Are you showing up for your loved ones? Quality time, open communication, and acts of kindness create bonds that outlast any paycheck. And do they show up for you? - Purpose Points
Are your daily actions aligned with your values? Whether it’s volunteering, pursuing a passion, or working toward a meaningful goal, purpose adds depth to life. Purpose without aligned actions leads to a frustrating life. - Growth Gauge
What have you learned lately? Are you pushing yourself out of your comfort zone? Personal growth is a lifelong journey and a key indicator of success. - Health Index
Are you taking care of your physical and mental well-being? Exercise, nutrition, sleep, and mindfulness are non-negotiables for a balanced life.
How to Start Winning the War
It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle for financial success. But true wealth is a blend of happiness, purpose, relationships, and health. Here’s how to make the shift:
- Define Your Values
Take time to reflect on what matters most to you. What do you want to be remembered for? Use your values as your compass. - Track What Counts
Instead of obsessing over your bank balance, track your progress in areas like joy, connection, and growth. Celebrate the little victories—they add up. Does keeping abreast of the news and others work for you? - Simplify Your Life
Less is often more. As Marie Kondo teaches, letting go of what doesn’t spark joy creates space for what does. Apply this to your time, commitments, and relationships. - Invest in Experiences, Not Things
Research by Dr. Thomas Gilovich at Cornell University shows that experiences bring more lasting happiness than material possessions. So, plan that road trip or take that art class—it’s worth it. - Practice Gratitude
Gratitude rewires your brain to focus on the positive. Keep a gratitude journal, and notice how abundance starts showing up in unexpected ways.
The Bottom Line: Redefine Success on Your Terms
The war of life isn’t about who has the most toys—it’s about who lives the most meaningful, fulfilling life. Money is a tool, not the goal. By shifting your focus to a new scoreboard—one that measures joy, purpose, relationships, and health—you’ll not only win the war, but you’ll enjoy the journey.
So, ask yourself: Are you fighting the right battles? If not, it’s time to pivot. Redefine success. Align your actions with your values. And remember: the richest life is the one that feels full, not the one that just looks full.
Bob Fagan has just published “The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.” It is available on Amazon.
