Photo courtesy of Eran Menashri
Are you a perfectionist? If so, is that helping you? Are you suffering for it and always falling short? How might you better navigate the fine line between striving and perfectionism?
Today, the pursuit of excellence is often praised as a virtue. We’re encouraged to set high standards, chase our dreams, and strive for success in every aspect of our lives. But amid the quest for perfection, it’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters: progress, growth, and self-compassion. So, let’s delve into the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism, and why embracing imperfection can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Understanding Healthy Striving:
Healthy striving is like a gentle nudge from a supportive friend, urging us to reach for our full potential while honoring our limitations. It’s about setting realistic goals, challenging ourselves to grow, and embracing the journey of discovery and self-improvement with open arms. Healthy strivers understand that success is not about achieving flawlessness but rather about making progress, learning from mistakes, and celebrating victories along the way.
The Pitfalls of Perfectionism:
Perfectionism is like an unforgiving taskmaster, demanding nothing short of flawlessness and punishing any perceived shortcomings with harsh criticism. Perfectionists set impossibly high standards for themselves, constantly striving for unattainable ideals and measuring their self-worth based on external validation. Consider continual improvement marked by appropriate adjustments in small stages. Otherwise, the pursuit of perfection can lead to anxiety, burnout, and a perpetual sense of inadequacy, as no achievement ever feels quite good enough.
Embracing Imperfection:
So, where does the magic happen? It lies in embracing imperfection as a natural part of the human experience and recognizing that our flaws and failures do not define us. Imperfection is what makes us beautifully human, flawed yet resilient, imperfect yet infinitely capable of growth and transformation. It is a powerful act of self-compassion and growth. Start by shifting your mindset from one of perfectionism to one of self-acceptance. Recognize that perfection is an illusion and that striving for it only leads to frustration and self-doubt. Instead, embrace the beauty of imperfection and see it as a natural part of the human experience.
Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially in moments of failure or setback. Remind yourself that mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth, not reflections of your worth as a person. Cultivate gratitude for your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small, and celebrate progress over perfection.
Let go of the need for external validation and approval. Caring about the opinions of other’s is one of life’s most limiting beliefs. Trust in your own judgment and intuition, and believe in your ability to navigate life’s challenges with resilience and grace. Treat your journey as one of curiosity and testing different venues. Of course, not all of them will work or serve you, but that is not reflective of you; you’re on this grand experiment. Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are and support you on your journey toward self-acceptance.
When we let go of the need to be perfect and instead focus on progress, we free ourselves from the suffocating grip of perfectionism and open ourselves up to a world of possibility.
I’d like to share three examples of how letting go of perfectionism helped folks.
Tim had always dreamed of becoming an artist, but his perfectionism held him back for years. He would spend hours on a single piece, constantly redoing his work in pursuit of flawlessness. He could never finish. One day, I offered him a reward to finish and also introduced him to another artist he admired. That was it; Tim decided to let go of his need for perfection and embrace the imperfections in his art. He allowed himself to experiment, make mistakes, and take risks. To his surprise, his art became more vibrant and expressive than ever before. By conquering his perfectionism, Tim found freedom and joy in her creativity, and his work began to resonate with others on a deeper level … and sell!
Emily struggled with perfectionism her entire life, constantly seeking external validation and approval. She was afraid to take risks or try new things for fear of failure. Like many I’ve coached, when Emily hit rock bottom after a series of setbacks in several fronts, she finally realized that her perfectionism was holding her back from living a fulfilling life. She embarked on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, challenging herself to embrace imperfection and step outside her comfort zone. Through coaching, self-reflection, and a supportive community, Emily learned to let go of her need for perfection and embrace her flaws and vulnerabilities. Today, she lives authentically, pursuing her passions with courage and resilience, and inspiring others to do the same as a very successful coach, herself.
Eric had a brilliant business idea, but his perfectionism prevented him from taking action — a situation common to many first-time entrepreneurs I’ve coached. He spent months carefully refining his plans and repeatedly seeking validation from others continually delaying launching his venture. However, with his funding running out and his investors increasingly frustrated, Eric soon realized that perfection was an unattainable goal, and he was holding himself back from success. Discovering in a Master Mind group how the very successful got started, he made the conscious decision to embrace imperfection and take bold, decisive action. Despite facing setbacks and challenges along the way, Eric’s willingness to embrace imperfection allowed him to adapt, learn, and grow. His venture did, in fact, experience many changes, but today, it is thriving, and he attributes his success to letting go of perfectionism and embracing the journey of entrepreneurship.
Cultivating Healthy Striving:
Start by setting realistic goals that challenge you without overwhelming you, breaking them down into manageable steps. Better yet, make them micro-steps that you feel completely confident of achieving. Then take action! Celebrate your progress each step of the way. Super achievers understand that setbacks and failures are not signs of weakness but rather the price of success. They are less concerned about the opinions of others and practice self-care, prioritize their well-being, and cultivate a mindset of resilience and perseverance in the face of adversity.
Letting Go of Perfectionism:
To overcome perfectionism, we must challenge the unrealistic standards we’ve set for ourselves and learn to embrace our imperfections with kindness and compassion. Instead of striving for flawlessness, we can strive for excellence while accepting that mistakes are an inevitable part of the journey. We can reframe failure as feedback, an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than a reflection of our worth as individuals. By letting go of perfectionism and embracing imperfection, we free ourselves from the shackles of self-doubt and self-criticism and pave the way for a more joyful, fulfilling life. As a former “expert in perfectionism,” stay aware if you revert back into that mode. If you do, congratulate yourself for noticing, thank your old efforts, but tell them you don’t need them anymore. Then compassionately and patiently move on.
In the end, it’s not about achieving perfection but rather about making progress, however small or imperfect it may be. Each step forward, each lesson learned, each moment of growth is a cause for celebration. So, let’s shift our focus from perfection to progress, from self-criticism to self-compassion, and from comparison to self-acceptance. Let’s embrace the journey of becoming the best version of ourselves, one imperfect step at a time. After all, it’s the imperfect moments that make life beautiful, meaningful, and worth living to the fullest.
And as I say to myself, “I’m perfect, but could stand some improvement!”
