The Compassion Fix for Perfection



No Solutions in Sight? No Problem.


So many of us are caught up in some sort of chase for perfection, to rid ourselves of anything bad – the thoughts, feelings, and parts of being that we are not proud of. Some of the self-help gurus will have you on a crash course to fix every imperfection, but deep down we realize that is too tall an order. There is another path you might consider.


At one level or another, we all have crap, really smelly distasteful stuff that we hide from others and even ourselves, but it’s the self-judgment, shame, and blame that sabotage our authentic selves. These become the clouds that block the sunshine from shining on our lives. I choose to believe that we can delight in our journey when we being to relish everything about ourselves, even the distasteful unpleasant stuff.


What I am really talking about is compassion, self-compassion. When we shine the light on our fears, jealousies, insecurities, and the like, we wake up from the automatic responses we’ve been groomed to aspire to called perfection. Isn’t it healing to illuminate and forgive ourselves for the sneaky, silly, insecure things we do and feel, and yet hide? Instead consider these things with a kindness and sense of humor we might employ if we were thoughtfully counseling someone else. Too often we beat ourselves up for not being good enough. What if we were to identify, illuminate, and laugh at our insecurities and supposed flaws?


When the word “compassion” is uttered, the most common response is that it is something we feel and express toward others. Unfortunately, if we are not truly compassionate toward ourselves. Think of how you shut down, criticize others, put up walls toward others, but that’s just an extension of how we treat ourselves.


We are all in our journeys together. Though they may assume different paths, there is a commonality to them all that binds and combines us. When you learn how to be more compassionate starting with yourself only then can you be compassionate for others. So when you notice that you are talking to yourself in some negative or nasty tone, take note of it. Laugh and forgive yourself for in that very moment you are awake and genuinely embracing life – a delicious life at that!

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