“Fall in love with yourself, with life, and then with whomever you want.” These words from Frida Kahlo are more than just romantic advice—they’re a roadmap to a life of fulfillment, independence, and unshakable joy. The legendary artist, known for her vibrant self-portraits and resilient spirit, reminds us that love doesn’t start with someone else. It begins within us, expands to the world around us, and only then flows outward to others.
But what does it truly mean to fall in love with yourself and with life? And how does this profound self-love impact your relationships with others? Let’s dive into Frida’s wisdom and uncover how embracing this philosophy can transform not just your heart but your entire world.
Step 1: Fall in Love with Yourself
Loving yourself is often easier said than done. Society constantly bombards us with messages about how we should look, act, or achieve to be “worthy.” But Frida Kahlo, who endured physical pain, heartbreak, and societal pressures, never let those struggles dim her self-expression. Instead, she poured her love into her art, creating unapologetic self-portraits that told her truth.
To fall in love with yourself, you need to:
- Celebrate Your Uniqueness: Like Frida’s bold unibrow and vibrant outfits, your quirks are part of what makes you extraordinary. Embrace them.
- Speak Kindly to Yourself: Swap self-criticism for self-compassion. Would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself?
- Prioritize Your Joy: Find what lights you up—whether it’s painting, dancing, reading, or simply enjoying a good cup of coffee—and make it a non-negotiable part of your day.
When you fall in love with yourself, you stop looking for validation from others. You become your own greatest supporter, which lays the foundation for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Step 2: Fall in Love with Life
Loving yourself is transformative, but loving life is revolutionary. To Kahlo, life wasn’t without its struggles—she faced immense physical pain and personal heartbreak—but she saw beauty even in the midst of suffering. Her works radiate a fierce love for life in all its messy, colorful glory.
To fall in love with life, practice:
- Mindful Gratitude: Notice the small things—the warmth of sunlight, the laughter of a friend, or the smell of fresh rain. These moments are life’s love notes to you.
- Curiosity Over Judgment: Approach challenges with curiosity. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” ask, “What can I learn from this?”
- A Sense of Wonder: Frida painted surreal worlds filled with symbolism and magic. Let your imagination and sense of wonder lead you to unexpected joys.
When you fall in love with life, even its imperfections become part of its charm. You stop waiting for the “perfect moment” and realize every moment is a masterpiece in progress.
Step 3: Love Whomever You Want
When you love yourself and embrace life, your capacity to love others transforms. Relationships become less about need and more about choice. Instead of looking for someone to “complete” you, you’re free to connect with others as an already whole, vibrant person.
Frida’s tumultuous relationship with Diego Rivera is often romanticized, but it’s also a testament to her autonomy. She didn’t lose herself in love—she remained unapologetically Frida, living her truth even within a complicated partnership.
Here’s how to love others without losing yourself:
- Set Healthy Boundaries: Loving someone doesn’t mean sacrificing your needs. Honor your limits and expect the same from your partner.
- Stay Authentic: Bring your whole self into relationships, flaws and all. The right person will celebrate your authenticity, not ask you to change.
- Choose Love, Not Dependence: True love is a choice, not a need. It’s about sharing your already-full life with someone, not waiting for them to fill a void.
When you approach love from this empowered place, it becomes a gift—not something you cling to out of fear, but something you give freely, knowing you’re already complete.
The Endless Love Story
Frida Kahlo’s words are a timeless reminder: before you can truly love anyone else, you must first fall in love with yourself and with life. This is not a selfish act—it’s the ultimate expression of self-respect and gratitude for existence. When you nurture this love within, it overflows naturally, enriching your relationships and the world around you.
So, take a page from Frida’s book. Celebrate your quirks, marvel at life’s chaos and beauty, and then, with a full heart, love whoever you choose. Because the greatest romance of all starts within you.
Bob Fagan has just published “The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.” It is available on Amazon.
