Fear is more of a passive emotion while anger is an active explosion, but both are natural expressions to perceived threats. Regardless, neither works for you in the big scheme of things. The empowering thing is to realize that you are not helpless in improving upon these two emotions.
Realizing that we have the ability, choice, or whatever to transform these two emotions, here are some tips that can help you. Realizing also that some of emotions have built up over years, it may take time and patience to affect this shift. The most important thing is to “stay awake” and experience your emotions honestly and consciously. While you may not eradicate fear, you should be able to more often act appropriately and thereby improve the quality of your life
Face your fear. Don’t deny your feelings of fear or anger. Explore it. Take time to sit and relax breathing slowly and deeply, relaxing. Examine your fear. In what part of your body is it located? Does it have a shape? What is its size? What does it feel like? Is there a sensations associated with it? How are your muscles in the affected area responding? Can you relax them? How is you posture supporting it? Now take a few deep, really slow breath and again explore the fear asking yourself the same questions. Has anything changed?
Take your time and give notice, for like everything else, fear is constantly changing. What is fascinating is that as you do this, your fear will tend to fade. Remember that when we add our imagination to fear, it can easily and quickly grow out of control. Conversely, when your mind and body begin to relax, fear tends to diminish so continue to breath deeply and focus on relaxing your muscles. Simply bringing a conscious awareness to your dark states will often heal them for the conscious mind is a self-healing one. If possible, continue to stay still and seated exploring your fear until it subsides. Don’t worry, you won’t be left as a statue.
Do what you fear and it will go away. We spend so much time and energy obsessed in avoid things we fear. Of course, it’s helpful to choose those fears that are manageable, simple yet a bit scary. Maybe it’s saying “No!” to someone when you feel like it or speaking out at a meeting. Then make a commitment to do it within a particular relatively short time period of a week or less. Better yet, just do it! And it always helps to have a buddy or a coach to confide and share with. Also journaling your fears and feelings before and after helps.
Smile! Picture someone you love or who makes you laugh. Act like a role model. Then force a smile. Keep that smile plastered on your face for as long as 90 seconds. This is one of those “fake it til you make it” exercises that actually work. You will feel a change.
Discuss your anger. Simply chatting about your anger with someone, not in order to complain or explain, or complain or attack, but rather to release and forgive can be surprisingly helpful. If there is someone else involved. you might even want to write a letter to the offender describing to them what as honestly and gently as possible what made you angry.
Fault-finding feeds anger so recall your own mistakes. If your vision is blurred by pain, first clear it out before you begin to approach others. All of us have made mistakes or done stupid things so recall those things. You might also recall the good that they’ve done. When we begin to realize that we have all that in common with others, it is easier to become more understanding and the anger subsides.
Forgive. You may have heard this before, but this is precisely when forgiveness to others is really first and foremost a gift to yourself. Would you rather be angry and right or happy and peaceful? Forgiveness can go in any or all of three directions: for those you have hurt, those who have hurt you, and for you. This exercise of forgiveness is worth the while to sit quietly and contemplate – meditate if you will.
Fighting your fears and anger need not be a wrestling battle with them, but more of a subtle, yet relaxed change of focus. And when you realize that you’ve become angry or been obsessed with fear for a time, relax and congratulate yourself. You have woken up, and now you can conscious finish the task with those tips I’ve suggested above. Be patience with this for the end is freedom!
