(Image courtesy of Susan Wilkinson)
Given the divisive nature and unusual passion of the recent elections, it is safe to say that nearly half of the American voters have experienced extreme disappointment and some sort of fear. Some may be facing symptoms akin to PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Are you or someone you know experiencing flashbacks, nightmares, or severe anxiety and uncontrollable thoughts about the event? Might you even fear for your physical safety?
Yes, any election season can stir up a whirlwind of emotions—hope, excitement, worry, anxiety, and sometimes deep disappointment. This last election was the most polarizing in my lifetime and seemed to draw the deepest emotions on both sides. When the results don’t go the way we’d hoped, it can feel like a huge punch to the gut, especially when it involves issues and values that we hold close to our hearts. This disappointment can sometimes even slip into depression, leaving us feeling disheartened and unsure of what to do next.
So, how do we bounce back from the discouragement that can follow a contentious election? How can we regain a sense of hope and purpose when the outcome feels like a setback? The path to resilience starts with accepting our feelings, finding new perspectives, and embracing small steps that move us forward.
First, allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Brené Brown, author and researcher on vulnerability and resilience, reminds us, “You can’t heal what you don’t allow yourself to feel.” Suppressing disappointment, anger, or frustration doesn’t make it disappear; it only builds up inside. Take some time to acknowledge these emotions without judgment. Journal about what you’re feeling or talk it through with a trusted friend. Simply naming and understanding your emotions can make them feel more manageable and less overwhelming.
Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel your disappointment, begin shifting your focus to what is within your control. Psychologist and author Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, once said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Though we may not be able to change election results, we can change our mindset, our actions, and how we show up in the world. By focusing on what we can control, we can reclaim a sense of agency and move from feeling powerless to empowered.
One way to do this is by engaging in positive, productive action. Taking action can be a powerful antidote to feelings of helplessness. If you’re passionate about the issues that were central to the election, find ways to make an impact in your community. Join a local organization, volunteer, or support initiatives that align with your values. By making a difference, you transform your disappointment into something purposeful and constructive. As the activist and author Audre Lorde put it, “Your silence will not protect you.” So, speak up, stay or get involved. Remember that change is made through collective, persistent effort and not always on the schedule we’d expect or hope for.
In times of disappointment, it’s also important to take a step back and gain perspective. Life coach Tony Robbins often says, “Life happens for us, not to us.” What can feel like a setback may hold hidden lessons. Reflect on what you’ve learned through this experience. Perhaps it’s a reminder of what truly matters to you, or an opportunity to strengthen your resilience and adaptability. Viewing challenges as opportunities for growth can help you find purpose even in difficult moments. Resist the temptation of playing the victim for it is disempowering for all. Do stay open to the like-minded, but don’t allow yourself to commiserate with those adopting victimhood.
Connecting with others is another crucial part of bouncing back. Being in community with people who share your values can be a balm for the spirit. Attend events, engage in group discussions, or join online forums that focus on constructive dialogue and solutions. Refrain from denigrating or taunting the opposition for that will only worsen issues. On the other hand, a strong support network not only uplifts you but also serves as a reminder that you’re not alone in your disappointment—or in your desire for change. Should the group tend to just complain and lament, either add your constructive input or leave.
Given today’s polarized climate, it’s also normal for some to feel a sense of physical fear and even vulnerability, particularly when the rhetoric feels personal or targeted. You deserve to feel safe, and acknowledging this fear is the first step in addressing it. Let’s start to explore where this fear stems from. Is it tied to specific incidents or threats, or is it more general, stemming from the broader societal climate? By understanding its roots, we can tailor strategies that address your unique experience and concerns.
A key part of your work will be to differentiate realistic threats from hypothetical fears. This isn’t about dismissing your feelings or “hiding your head in the sand,” but rather grounding your fears so that they don’t become overwhelming “what ifs.” Where there are specific concerns, create a practical safety plan, from setting personal boundaries to considering lifestyle adjustments that enhance your sense of security. There is a difference between expecting the worst and planning for it. Worry is nonproductive; planning can be constructive.
In moments of heightened anxiety, mindfulness and grounding techniques can help you manage the physical symptoms of fear. Simple practices like deep breathing or mindful observation can help you stay centered when emotions intensify.
Regardless of your situation, while it’s essential to stay engaged, it’s equally important to take breaks and care for your mental well-being. Monitor your mental inputs. The 24-hour news cycle and constant updates can be overwhelming, feeding your anxieties and keeping you stuck in a loop of fear and frustration. Realize that the for-profit media outlets, both liberal and conservative, sell fear in one form or another. Eliminate them for at least a month. Turn off the news feeds on your phone. Get off social media. The more you replay or expose yourself to the trauma, the more you deepen those neural pathways in your brain. Step back when you need to. Go for a walk, read a book, change a routine, or immerse yourself in a hobby that brings you joy. Dr. Laurie Santos, a psychologist at Yale who teaches the popular “Science of Well-Being” course, emphasizes the importance of small moments of joy to boost resilience. Simple activities that lift your spirit can go a long way in helping you recharge and regain a positive outlook.
Practice gratitude. It might sound cliché, but gratitude is a proven strategy for enhancing well-being. Even in challenging times, there are things to appreciate. Reflect on the people you love, the acts of kindness you witness, or the small comforts in your daily life. A gratitude practice can reframe your perspective, reminding you that there is goodness even when things feel difficult. Gratitude doesn’t negate disappointment but brings balance to it.
Lastly, focus on what you can do to help others. Showing kindness, forgiveness, and compassion to others is perhaps the best way to eliminate your own suffering. That involves forgiving those who have disagreed with you. If you truly care about peace, growth, and unity, be the one to take that first step. Remember that we all have faced different circumstances and are only doing the best we know how.
There is a rule I heard from Tom Engle regarding elections and presidents. It goes like this: “I have one big rule. I never worry about anything. There is no point to it. Some things are just out of our control. I always felt it is within all of us to win regardless of the circumstances … Not always easy, but to worry is just energy wasting.” Engle continued, “I have lived through many different presidents. None of them changed my life for the better or the worse. I just stepped outside, admiring the fall colors, fresh air, cool temperatures. Neither Clinton nor Trump could ever change this day for me for either the better or the worse. It is not in their power. So if a change in presidents saps my strength, well, the weakness is mine. So far, no president had that type of power over me, and I hope they never will. … I strive to make the world a better place every day of my life. And that is all any of us can do.” Can you see the benefit in adopting Engle’s philosophy?
Recovering from the sting of election disappointment isn’t about ignoring reality. It’s about choosing hope over despair, action over apathy, and eliminating hypothetical physical threats in favor of realistic ones and making plans. Healing can include choosing gratitude and forgiveness, taking appropriate action, and valuing community over isolation. Find a path to service, reframe the experience into some kind of believable blessing. If the results weren’t satisfactory, be all that more determined to build an even better system; and it starts with you. Your recovery may not be instantaneous and will take as long as it will, but try these steps. Disappointments will come and go, but your resilience is strengthened each time you choose to bounce forward with courage and determination. In doing so, you not only heal yourself but become a source of hope for others, lighting the way forward together.
Bob Fagan has just published “The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.” It is available on Amazon.
