Imagine my delight in discovering this unexpected path on a predawn walk. (Photo by Robert S. Fagan)
Letting Go To Find Happiness
Life has a sly way of keeping us on our toes. Just when we think we’ve nailed the formula for happiness—the meticulously curated plans, the bullet-pointed goals, the symmetrical rows of checked-off to-do lists—it sneaks in a curveball. It’s not the dream vacation planned down to the minute or the grand promotion you worked years to achieve that catches your breath in a way you didn’t know it could. No, it’s the unexpected—the serendipitous, the unplanned, the utterly unaccounted for—that often makes life feel most alive.
Consider this: you’re running late. Your morning’s a disaster—coffee spilled on your favorite shirt, traffic’s snarled like a poorly wound ball of yarn, and your phone, that omnipresent lifeline, is teetering dangerously close to dead. You’re muttering under your breath, equal parts apology and profanity, as you hustle to the elevator of an office building you’ve never visited before. The doors slide shut just as you squeeze in, and beside you is a stranger—the kind of stranger whose eyes are a shade of kind you’ve never encountered, who smiles like they know a secret you’d love to learn. A conversation blooms. Three years later, they’re your spouse, and you can’t imagine life without that fluke of timing.
Or think of the detours—the literal ones. A roadblock on a lazy Sunday drive takes you down a gravel path leading to a quiet field ablaze with wildflowers you never knew existed, and there, as you sit mesmerized, a fox darts by, its coat catching the sunlight just so. The moment is ephemeral, a blink, but it stays with you, more vivid and alive than the entire week’s worth of scheduled obligations.
These moments of unexpected joy, when life hands us gifts we didn’t even know we wanted, tap into something deep within us. They remind us of the immense, unpredictable beauty of simply being alive. We plan and strategize to tame life’s wild unpredictability, but it’s in the cracks of those plans—the places where uncertainty leaks through—that life often shines its brightest.
Psychologists call this phenomenon the “pleasant surprise effect.” Our brains are wired to seek patterns and predict outcomes, yet we’re equally programmed to light up with delight when those patterns are shattered in delightful ways. It’s why surprise parties are thrilling, why an unexpected compliment can linger for days, and why bumping into an old friend at the airport can feel like a cosmic wink from the universe.
But what makes these moments so special? Perhaps it’s the fleeting sense of wonder they inspire, a reminder that the world is bigger and more mysterious than our narrow focus often allows. Or maybe it’s the undeniable truth that we didn’t earn these moments; they were simply bestowed upon us by the unpredictable generosity of life itself.
The poet Elizabeth Bishop once wrote about the “art of losing,” but there’s also an art to embracing—an art to welcoming the unexpected not as an interruption but as an invitation. It’s a skill worth cultivating in a world that so often prizes control and certainty over spontaneity and serendipity. To truly live, it seems, is to leave space for the unplanned.
So how do we do it? How do we leave room for life to surprise us? The answer, ironically, lies in letting go. Loosen the grip on your calendar. Walk a new route home. Strike up a conversation with the person next to you in line. Say yes to the invitation you weren’t sure about. These small acts of openness create the conditions for serendipity to flourish.
In the end, the unexpected is life’s way of reminding us that we’re not as in control as we’d like to think. And thank goodness for that. For in those moments when the script goes out the window, when the plot takes an unforeseen twist, we discover the kind of happiness that isn’t planned but gifted—happiness in its purest, most exhilarating form. Often, the best things in life aren’t the ones we saw coming. They’re the surprises that leave us wide-eyed, breathless, and infinitely grateful for the ride.
Bob Fagan has just published “The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.” It is available on Amazon. Through 2025, all proceeds will be donated to charity.
