Pausing, taking in an awesome sunset on a quiet beach in Baja California, Mexico is a great way to nourish yourself in a performative world. (Photo by Robert S. Fagan)
Reclaiming Yourself: The Power of Pausing in a Performative World
I recently returned from a five-day workshop on “Awe” conducted by Dr. Dacher Keltner in conjunction with the Modern Elder Academy in Baja, Mexico. It was quite the luxurious escape situated in idyllic five-star garden accommodations adjacent to the ever-sounding waves of the Pacific Ocean. Given a most intriguing topic, thoughtful facilitators, and such an engaging group of fellow participants, the whole scene was far, far away from “usual life.” While I am largely retired, it was a reminder that with increasing tensions and how fast the world is now moving, the power to pause is indeed potent. More so, it is essential for those in life following me.
We live in an era where every moment seems to demand performance. Social media invites us to curate lives that are more polished than authentic. Workspaces often value productivity over presence, and even relaxation can feel like something we need to document to prove we’re living our best lives. In these hyper-performative arenas, it’s easy to lose ourselves—our true thoughts, emotions, and sense of purpose. That’s why creating intentional pauses to breathe, be mindful, and carve out space for reflection isn’t just helpful; it’s critical to our well-being.
Taking a break is not an act of retreat—it’s an act of rebellion against a culture that equates constant activity with worth. Mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn puts it succinctly: “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” In a world that constantly pushes us to do more, pausing allows us to recalibrate, reconnect with our inner compass, and regain control of our lives.
The benefits of pausing and creating space are profound. First, it allows us to step out of the reactive cycle that so many of us live in. When we’re constantly performing, we operate on autopilot, reacting to stimuli instead of choosing our responses. Pausing breaks that cycle, giving us the clarity to act with intention. Neuroscience supports this: studies show that mindfulness practices, even brief ones, reduce activity in the amygdala, the brain’s fear and stress center, and enhance connectivity in regions associated with decision-making and emotional regulation.
Creating space also reintroduces us to the joy of simply being. Performative culture often conditions us to see value only in what we produce or how we’re perceived. But as mindfulness teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said, “We are human beings, not human doings.” Taking a pause reminds us that our worth is intrinsic, not tied to likes, accolades, or achievements.
How, then, can we create these essential spaces? It begins with recognizing the moments when we’re most caught up in performing. Maybe it’s the endless scroll through social media, the need to say “yes” to every work request, or the compulsion to measure your life against others. Awareness is the first step. Once you see the pattern, you can choose to step out of it. You notice healing awe. During our workshop, Dr. Keltner reminded us that awe can come in many forms: moral beauty, nature, collective movement, visual pattern, music, big ideas, spirit, and the life/death cycle. It’s always around us if we only look for it.
Start small. Create micro-moments of mindfulness throughout your day. Take five deep breaths before opening your email. Step outside for a walk without your phone. Close your eyes for two minutes and simply listen to the sounds around you. These pauses don’t need to be grand—they need to be intentional.
For deeper reflection, consider carving out larger blocks of time. Establish a morning routine where you journal your thoughts or practice meditation. Schedule “off-grid” time where you unplug from technology entirely. Even a few hours of solitude can recharge your mind and spirit. If you’re someone who thrives on structure, tools like guided mindfulness apps or prompts for reflective journaling can provide gentle guidance. And don’t also forget that it’s also about creating spaces, rituals, and practices. As I learned at the workshop from Dr. Keltner, all this creates an awareness of awe that is very healthy for you.
It’s also crucial to create a supportive environment for these pauses. Let those around you—family, friends, coworkers—know when and why you’re stepping back. This not only sets boundaries but also normalizes the idea that everyone needs space to recharge. In a workplace, this could look like advocating for meeting-free afternoons or encouraging colleagues to take real lunch breaks away from their desks. It could also mean leading a collective 1-minute breathing pause before beginning an important meeting.
Performative culture often convinces us that pausing is a luxury we can’t afford. But the reality is, without intentional breaks, we deplete ourselves. We lose the ability to perform meaningfully because we’re too busy keeping up appearances. Pausing is not procrastination; it’s preparation. It’s a way to ensure that when you do step back into the arena, you do so with authenticity, energy, and purpose.
As I stated in this Modern Elder Academy Baja workshop, my life is about finding a purpose and direction and then heading there. But like an airplane pilot will be constantly be making adjustments, taking this pause was just the right tonic to allow me pause, make adjustments, and to stay the course — to even learn and grow. There is no weakness in pausing. As you navigate this hyper-connected, constantly “on” world, remember the words of Brené Brown: “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” Pausing isn’t just about catching your breath—it’s about reconnecting with your authenticity. And in a performative world, authenticity is the most powerful thing you can bring to the table.
