Here it is, an honest-to-God true email conversation between a man—probably just like you and me, who merely wanted an enjoyable day on the golf course but instead despised nearly every moment of his time there—and the club employee who explains the reasons for certain agronomic conditions as well as apologizing for the many, many egregious… ahem… wrongs.
The names of the participants and the club have been changed to protect all parties. The conversation is presented in its entirety. All grammatical and spelling errors are original.
“Comments: I played your course for the 1st time in 15 years. Now, I remember why it was so long since I have played it. Your course is not worth $50. The price for the course is way too high. You have brown spots all around the greens and in the middle of the fairways. The fairways are as hard as a rock. The greens are very hard also. Like putting on a wood floor. Dead animals in the sand traps. Carts are very very slow. Your members don’t even follow proper golf etiquette, think they can just golf what ever hole they feel like when they want. Over all very bad experience. You have lost a customer for life and everyone I know will never be golfing there and we do golf a lot. I am not trying to make you upset, I am just trying to say you are way over priced and need to take care of the course a lot better.”
Sorry you had a bad experience at the club. Mostly I’m extremely sorry that it sounds like you had someone impeding your progress through the course. That is certainly not how we would want anyone treated.
The firmness of the fairways and greens are by design. We believe it creates a fun golf atmosphere. In our opinion golf is much more entertaining when shots bounce and roll and are able to be played along the ground. We pride ourselves on the firmness and the ball roll on our putting surfaces. It seems like you prefer a more softer, slower, aerial attack. Which is great, golf and golf courses are like art, no right or wrong answer.
As far as the speed of the golf carts, we don’t feel there is any rush to get to your ball and actually we believe that the game is best enjoyed walking. We rush around all week to get to the golf course and the last thing we feel is necessary is to rush when you get here. We’re trying to provide a relaxed atmosphere for maximum enjoyment.
I assure you it is not our policy to leave dead animals in the bunkers, however nature is a fickle thing. I’ve just inspected all of our bunkers this morning and all dead animals are gone. The coyotes must have helped us out last night.
I would invite you back to the club as our guest at your convenience to give us another try, but it sounds like you have moved on. If however you change your mind please reach out to me directly and I will set your group up personally.
Enjoy your golf Regan, that’s the only reason to play this game.”
Director of Golf
XXXXX Country Club