(Photo courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez)
Ever find yourself trapped in yet another soul-crushing, small-talk nightmare? You know the one—awkwardly clutching your drink, nodding politely as someone drones on about their job title in a way that makes you want to fake a bathroom emergency just to escape. We’ve all been there.
Let’s face it: the tired old “What do you do?” question is a conversation killer, not a starter. It puts people in a box and makes the whole interaction feel more like a networking event than a genuine connection. But what if I told you there’s one simple question that can flip the switch and turn even the dullest gathering into an energized exchange?
Here’s your new go-to opener: “What’s creating energy in your life right now?”
Boom. Watch the magic happen.
This question is like a conversational adrenaline shot. It’s unexpected, intriguing, and—most importantly—it invites people to talk about what lights them up instead of what drags them down. And who doesn’t want to talk about something that gets them excited?
Imagine you’re at a party, and instead of going through the typical dance of “Oh, so what do you do?” (cue the internal groan), you casually drop, “Hey, what’s creating energy in your life right now?” There’s a pause. Their eyes light up. A smile forms. Suddenly, they’re talking about their latest project, a new hobby, a wild travel plan, or maybe even a breakthrough moment they had recently. The room fades away as they open up about what really drives them. Just like that, you’ve bypassed small talk and landed in the land of meaningful conversation.
The beauty of this question is its versatility. It doesn’t pigeonhole people into discussing their careers (unless they’re pumped about something at work, which is totally fine!). It can go anywhere—from a passion project to a new fitness goal, from a budding romance to a personal discovery. You’re asking people what’s alive in their life, what’s giving them that extra bounce in their step.
Think about it: when was the last time someone asked you that question? Exactly. It’s refreshing. And it makes the person feel seen—not for their job title, but for what truly makes them tick. Plus, you might even discover something new about them that you’d never uncover by asking the usual “What do you do?”
Here’s the best part: because the question is framed in a positive and open-ended way, it naturally shifts the energy of the conversation. You’ll notice that people lean in, get more animated, and the chat flows in unexpected, fun directions. Who knows where it could go? Maybe you find out they’re starting a side business, training for a marathon, or planning a bucket-list adventure. Suddenly, you’re connecting on a deeper level—and who doesn’t crave that?
So, the next time you’re in a setting that calls for some conversation magic, ditch the dusty old “What do you do?” and whip out this powerhouse question. See how people light up, and get ready for the kind of dynamic, engaging exchanges that leave both of you feeling genuinely connected.
Go ahead, try it out. I guarantee you’ll never look back. Let me know how it goes—if it doesn’t work, I’ll even let you ask me what I do! (Spoiler alert: it’s a lot more fun than you’d think.)
Happy connecting!
Bob Fagan has just published “The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.” It is available on Amazon.
