Most of us have heard the term of someone predominantly being a giver or taker, but I believe that many of us are something else entirely. We are “traders.”
Many givers including myself have actually been traders. Trading is not really giving, but rather it is an act focusing on what the return will be. Genuine giving does not focus on the return, but rather the gift. Givers have no conditions, but simply move onto the next recipient, and never look back to account for what they may have received.
Think about your relationships or career/business. Outstanding salespeople give for a living. They give their time, listening, advice, and a relationship and see themselves as making a contribution to the lives of their customers. Takers are apt to view sales as manipulative, shallow, and pressurized, and are indeed weakened by their “taking” self-concept. They apologize for taking their customers time on the phone and in person, and are also in a weak position in taking their money. Likely too, they may feel inferior to their customers. It all adds up to a small and miserable life of taking.
When you are a taker or a trader and fail, you remember your disappointments and play the victim. Show me a struggling salesperson and I will show you either a taker or trader. On the other hand, givers just keep popping along bestowing gifts and never look back to check to see what they got in exchange – and the more they give the more they get.
Take this same example to your relationships. It doesn’t feel good to feel like you are taking more than the other person is from the relationship. And if you sincerely do focus upon giving in the relationship without regard for what’s in it, then you most likely will have better relationship.
The best news is that takers and traders can transform into genuine givers in a moment. All it takes is that very moment to ask yourself why you are giving. Should you have a deep-seated hope or expectation of something in return, just release that thought and give it anyway. And if you sincerely do focus upon giving in the relationship without regard for what’s in it, then you most likely have better relationship.
True givers are not giving into order to get happiness, salvation, acceptance or anything in return. Their happiness is already resident and supercharges their acts of giving. They gain an immense self-respect and freedom from failure. Giving without expectations never fails, in business or in life. So what might you give today?