I am nearly finished writing “my masterpiece.” It’s a book on elder wisdom and how my experience might help others. It’s entitled “Feel Better Now!” and I am really excited about it. The current version may be a bit too long so I’m in the editing process. My journey toward supposed wisdom was accelerated when I began formally coaching others. In that process and eventually writing this book, it caused me to reflect not only about the areas and qualities I had excelled, but also where I have been weak or still have ample room for growth.
There are some areas that I heavily promote such as gratitude, curiosity, and forgiveness. I’m pretty good at them along with taking action. And I am improving at facing my fears. These qualities are life-changing ones that have proven beneficial to me and my clients. What then are the areas that have slowed me down or occasionally stopped me?
I’ve been studying personal development since 1961. It may sound good when I tell you that I was curious and did so to learn and understand. In hindsight, what I am omitting is that I tended not to internalize, emotionalize, or put my knowledge into action. I read many books, but reading, by itself, is largely a passive exercise. If you don’t get out and use or act upon what you have learned, it means little. To learn, to test, to embody, and to own are very different activities. In some areas, I was simply learning. Now, the exciting thing is to actually quickly go out and validate what I learn.
A second quality that I have possessed in varying amounts is self-confidence. In some areas, I feel I have scored high, but in other areas I was sorely lacking. The lack of self-confidence leads to fear which leads to holding back, hiding, or not even showing up. Can you understand why that may have contributed to poor or no performance? In some areas of my life, my abundant or growing confidence led to real accomplishment and growth, sometimes bordering on outstanding. What it exposed for me was how important confidence is to reaching our goals or living a vibrant life. Confidence is largely a conviction to the belief that no matter what happens, I can handle it. Therefore, when my confidence seems low, I have begun to examine and audit my underlying beliefs.
I recently finished writing a book on questions, “The Little Book of Questions That Matter.” In it, not only do I provide a few thousand transformative questions, I also discuss how we might use questions to create a life well-lived. One area that I found myself the least proficient was to ask questions to get help. People generally are willing to help one another, but “Wow!” this is something I’ve long overlooked. For whatever reasons, I’ve tried to do everything myself. In hindsight, I could have accomplished so much more. This is one habit I’m beginning to change.
A final area I deemed an area for development has been living in abundance versus one of scarcity. I’ve been aware of this for probably four decades. It’s been the slowest to emotionalize, but the changes have been most liberating. It has also helped me re-order my priorities with kindness, giving, and service now in the forefront.
Becoming self-aware enough to realize these weaknesses is not meant to demean or beat myself up. The joy of self-reflection is in learning, growing, and realizing that it is never too late to finish strong. In my mid-seventies, who knows how long I will be around, but it’s so exhilarating for me to realize that I can continue to learn, to improve, and grow.
Do you see yourself in any of my growth opportunities? Alternatively, take off your own armor and reflect where in your life you can improve. If the purpose of life is to see what each of us is capable of, how might we all close the gap between where we currently are and our best self?
As I always say, “It’s never too late to finish strong!”
