(Image courtesy of Om Prakash Sethia)
For many of us, life has become a never-ending marathon of commitments, obligations, and to-do lists. We stuff our calendars to the brim, hoping that each checkbox and commitment will inch us closer to happiness and fulfillment. Yet, paradoxically, this joyless pursuit often leaves us feeling empty and overwhelmed, drained by the very tasks we take on to feel productive or successful. In the process, we lose the vital space or the slack needed for spontaneity, curiosity, and intimate connections—the very things that bring richness and meaning to our lives.
When we talk about happiness, we often think of it as something to be earned or achieved through hard work. But happiness is more about moments than milestones. It often appears in the unplanned, in the small windows of exploration that we allow ourselves. As John Lennon said, “Life is what’s happening while you’re making other plans.” True happiness isn’t just about fulfilling obligations; it’s about creating the space for curiosity and discovery—spaces that too many of us neglect.
The Trap of Overstuffed Calendars
Overloaded schedules have become a societal norm, as if a packed calendar is a badge of honor. We juggle endless meetings, tasks, and personal obligations, leaving little time for genuine connection or spontaneous experiences. This constant busyness keeps us in a reactive state, making us feel accomplished but not truly fulfilled.
Consider the concept of “margins” in life. Just like the white space on a page makes it readable, the margins in our lives make them livable. When we allow every hour to be filled with activity, we miss out on opportunities for discovery and self-reflection. Without margins, life becomes all text—crowded, overwhelming, and uninspiring.
One powerful example is the way children approach life. A child’s day is filled with opportunities for curiosity and exploration because their time isn’t bound by obligations and expectations. They don’t think twice about following a butterfly down a path or spending an hour absorbed in a fascinating game. This freedom to explore is the essence of joy, and as adults, we often lose sight of it, trapped in a maze of self-imposed restrictions.
The Pursuit of “Joyless Happiness”
Another paradox we face is the concept of “joyless happiness.” It’s the idea that happiness will come from accomplishing all the goals and tasks on our lists—from the next promotion, the larger house, or the latest gadget. But this conditional happiness often lacks joy because it’s based on external achievements and material gains, which are rarely satisfying in the long term.
True joy comes from experiences and relationships, from spontaneity and connection. Think of the last time you felt genuinely happy—it likely wasn’t during a scheduled event, but rather a spontaneous moment of laughter with a friend or an unexpected encounter with something new. These are the moments that stick with us, the ones that feel meaningful because they remind us of our humanity, of our shared experience in a world that is far larger and more wondrous than any calendar could contain.
The Power of Spontaneity and Curiosity
To reclaim our lives, we must prioritize curiosity and spontaneity. Curiosity keeps us engaged and motivated, allowing us to see the world with fresh eyes. Spontaneity, on the other hand, gives us the flexibility to step outside our comfort zones and embrace new experiences, adding a layer of depth and excitement to life.
Consider the story of a friend who, on a whim, joined a local cooking class instead of going through his usual weekly routine. He not only learned new culinary skills but also met people who became close friends, enriching his social life in unexpected ways. This small act of spontaneity turned into something significant because she allowed herself to break free from routine. The same happened when another of my friends took an art class.
Another example could be simply changing your route to work. It sounds trivial, but even a small change like this can open up new observations and insights, sparking thoughts you might not have had otherwise. We often think that big changes are needed to “shake things up,” but sometimes, it’s the smallest deviations that bring the most delight.
Creating Room for Intimacy and Connection
Our packed lives don’t just rob us of curiosity—they also rob us of genuine intimacy. When every hour is accounted for, it’s hard to make time for meaningful conversations or deep relationships. Intimacy requires presence, patience, and attention, all of which are hard to achieve when we’re perpetually busy. By creating margins in our lives, we invite opportunities for real connection.
Think of an evening where you allow yourself to simply “be” with someone, without an agenda or time constraint. In these open-ended moments, we connect on a deeper level, sharing thoughts, fears, and dreams that we often don’t get a chance to express. This kind of connection isn’t just fulfilling—it’s healing. It reminds us that happiness often lies in the quality of our relationships, not in the quantity of our accomplishments.
Choosing a Life with Margins
Give yourself some slack, literally. We don’t have to live life with such narrow margins that there’s no room to breathe, explore, or wonder. Creating space for curiosity, spontaneity, and intimacy requires an intentional choice to say “no” to certain obligations and to embrace the unknown. It’s about reclaiming moments that spark joy and inspiration, about prioritizing experiences over obligations.
In the end, a life lived fully is one that values the unscheduled, the unplanned, and the unexpected. By carving out room for these moments, we don’t just fill our lives with more—we fill them with meaning. So, let’s loosen our grip on those crowded calendars, pause in our pursuit of joyless happiness, and make room for the experiences that truly enrich us.
Bob Fagan has just published “The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.” It is available on Amazon.
