Golf and marriage don’t always mix

While my wife Betty might disagree, I’ve never felt that my love for golf would ever cause us to think about divorce like it probably did in some of the stories I’ve heard.

 On a nice sunny day in June, Victor showed up as usual to join his regular group on the first tee. All of a sudden, a woman in a wedding gown came running from the parking lot. She had tears streaming down her face and screamed, “I can’t believe it. How could you do that?” Victor calmly answered, “I said only if it’s raining.”

 If this couple did get married on a rainy day, it’s likely that golf became a problem later, especially if she ever issued an ultimatum like the following wife.

Pat explained to his regular foursome that Gloria had put her foot down and threatened to leave him if he did not quit playing on the weekend. “We can always get Bob to join us as he’s still single,” one of the others said. “No, I’ll be here next week, but I am sure going to miss Gloria,” Pat answered. “She was a terrific cook and handled all of the finances.”

 Another wife named Mary Ann made the mistake of taking Ed’s clubs out of the car and leaving them in the garage when she decided to go out shopping. On returning home, the clubs were missing. Ed was upset, but went out and got some new ones. Mary Ann called a friend later to say Ed had left. “Oh, he has threatened to do that many times,” the friend said. “I’m sure he’ll be back.” Mary Ann sobbed, “Not this time; he took his new set of clubs.”

This situation might have worked out better if Ed had an insurance agent like I did when my clubs burned in a car fire. Insurance covered it and I got new clubs and even had some money left over for a nice golf vacation.

 A wife of 40 years, Cathy, asked her husband, Carl, what he would do with their house if she happened to die first and he got remarried. “It would just make sense to keep it,” Carl answered. “Well. What about my Cadillac?” she asked. “It has been dependable and we’d probably keep it,” he said. “What about my clubs? she asked. “No way,” he answered. “She’s left-handed.” This conversation may have ended that marriage.

 Even if the wife also played golf, there is always the possibility of something like this happening.

Playing with Sue in an alternate shot format, Lawrence hit a drive of 300 yards down the middle of the fairway. Sue shanked her wedge into nearby trees. Lawrence threaded the small opening with pinpoint accuracy and rolled the ball to within five feet. “Hit it easy and off the toe,” Lawrence said, noting how it was downhill. Sue rolled the putt 10 feetpast the cup. While a little miffed, Lawrence rolled the putt in for a bogey. On the way to the next tee, Lawrence tried to encourage Sue and said, “We just need to do better on the next hole.” Sue countered, “Don’t blame me. I only took two strokes.” Sounds like grounds for divorce to me.

Another husband playing in an alternate shot event solved a similar problem by telling his wife to just whiff the next shot. Of course, he later discovered that was against the rules.

 In closing, here’s more proof that golf can be an addiction just like drugs and isn’t just limited to husbands.

Playing with her regular group of women, everyone was amazed when Linda took off her golf hat and stood silently for a moment when a funeral procession came by. She had never done that before. “It’s the least I could do,” Linda said. “We would have been married for 42 years next month.”

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