As on the keyboard or in life, the shift key is never far from the control one.
(Photo by Robert S. Fagan)
I’ll never forget the time I nearly lost my mind over a lost luggage situation at the airport. There I was, standing at the baggage claim carousel, watching every suitcase in the world but mine make its lazy loops. I had just started a golf trip and was eager to get to the course, but fate had other plans. As my frustration grew, I found myself engaging in a full-blown internal meltdown. I mentally rehearsed angry complaints to customer service, pictured myself stuck in a never-ending battle with the airline, and yes, I might’ve even imagined storming onto the tarmac to retrieve my bag personally.
Then, something hit me. Actually, it was more of an epiphany than a slap: I had no control over the situation whatsoever. No matter how worked up I got, that luggage wasn’t coming to me any faster. So, I took a deep breath, sat down, and decided to shift my energy toward what I could control—namely, my response. I called the airline, filed a report, and then headed to an airport to get a bite to eat. Did I get my bag back right away? Nope. But I did walk away with my peace of mind intact. It’s all about shifting.
In life, there are few things more empowering than realizing what you can control—and, perhaps more importantly, what you can’t. The world can feel chaotic and overwhelming, with countless responsibilities, expectations, and anxieties tugging at us from every direction. But when you start separating what’s in your hands from what lies beyond your influence, you begin to tap into a sense of peace and clarity that transforms your experience of life. Letting go of what you can’t control is an act of freedom, and focusing on what you can control is an act of strength. It’s about reclaiming your energy, your attention, and your well-being.
The Power of Focus
There’s a quote often attributed to the Stoic philosopher Epictetus that says, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” This simple truth holds immense power. We can’t stop the rain from falling or control the whims of others, but we can choose how we respond to those situations. The first step is identifying what’s within our control—our thoughts, actions, reactions, and attitudes—and focusing on those.
Think about a time when you felt completely overwhelmed—work deadlines piling up, family demands escalating, unexpected events throwing your plans off track. It’s easy to get swept away by anxiety in these moments. But by pinpointing even just one small action you can take to ease your burden, you give yourself an immediate sense of empowerment. Maybe it’s setting clear boundaries at work or blocking off time for self-care. Small steps like these can make a world of difference in reducing stress.
Letting Go of What You Can’t Control
Equally as important as acting on what you can control is releasing what you can’t. So much of our stress comes from holding onto things that we were never meant to manage in the first place: the behavior of others, the outcomes of situations, the unexpected curveballs life throws our way. Trying to control the uncontrollable is like trying to catch the wind in your hands—it’s futile and leaves you feeling drained.
Imagine being stuck in traffic, late for an important meeting. Your heart races, your mind spins with “what ifs,” and the frustration builds. But here’s the truth: you can’t control the traffic. You can, however, control your reaction. You can turn on some calming music, call ahead to let someone know you’ll be late, or use the time to reflect and breathe. By letting go of the frustration and focusing on what you can do, you reduce the emotional toll and reclaim your peace of mind.
Make It a Practice
The key to mastering control over your life isn’t about reaching some perfect state where you’re never stressed again. It’s about consistently practicing the art of discernment: knowing what’s within your control and what isn’t, and acting accordingly. You won’t always get it right. Sometimes, you’ll find yourself worrying about things you can’t change. Other times, you might shy away from taking action on things that are well within your power. That’s okay. The goal is to recognize these moments and adjust when you can.
Every day presents opportunities to check in with yourself. Are you stressing over a conversation you had last week? Overthinking what someone else thinks of you? These are the moments to step back and ask, “Is this within my control?” If it’s not, let it go. If it is, take action, no matter how small.
Freedom Through Focus
The beauty of this practice is that it liberates you from unnecessary stress and gives you the freedom to focus your energy where it truly matters. You stop wasting time and mental energy trying to fix what’s beyond your reach and instead invest in what is within your control—your mindset, your behavior, your choices. This shift in focus can lead to an extraordinary sense of freedom, accomplishment, and inner peace.
Life may be short, but it can also be long enough for you to do what truly matters. You don’t have to carry every burden, fix every problem, or handle every challenge at once. You just have to be wise enough to let go of what you can’t control, shift, and be brave enough to act on what you can, and grounded enough to know the difference.
Bob Fagan has just published “The Little Book of Questions That Matter — A Lifetime Companion For Transforming Your Life.” It is available on Amazon.
